STOP APOLOGISING ALL THE DAMN TIME!

 

STOP APOLOGISING ALL THE DAMN TIME!

Your don't need to apoligise for your mere existence.

As women, we have become customed to apoligising a lot. "Sorry, but I can butt in?" "Sorry, but I think we should..." "Sorry, do you know...?" It's something we've been conditioned to do, to apoligise as a preface to a sentence or a precursor to something we're about to say. We do it in business meetings, when giving over our opinion, for merely occupying space in the same sphere as men.

It's not something I was entirely conscious of until I realised that in a lot of conversations I begin by saying "this may sound dumb, but..." And I thought, why? I'm an intelligent woman, I have a Bachelor's degree, I've had many jobs, I am an articulate speaker, so why is it that I was prefacing what I said with a disclaimer that the following words may not be intelligent? It took me even longer to realise that I mostly did this when having conversations with men.

I have always been a (mostly) confident person when it came to my intelligence. I was a bright student in school - not exemplary, but I was getting As - and have never been too self-conscious or worried about how I came across to other people. So it took a lot of self reflection to realise that I had ingrained in me an insecurity when it came to using my voice. And as soon as I learned how and why I was doing this, the quicker I was able to start the process of unlearning this.

But let me tell you, it is not an easy process. 

Have you ever tried to count how many times you say 'like' in a sentence unnecessarily? For someone like me who uses it a lot, I was so shocked about the extent to which I said it. Becoming conscious of my dependence on the phrase allowed me to stop. And it was a similar learning process in becoming aware of how often I apologise. And girl, it was so much! I apologised when speaking to my father, my boyfriend, my boss, my friends, business professionals, and loads of other people.

And it's not their fault. These people in my life weren't putting me in a position where I felt like I had to apolgise, I wasn't feeling demeaned or patronised or made to feel small by them. My need to apologise came from within. I felt like I wasn't deserving of occupying the same space as them, and wasn't bringing as much to the metaphorical table as my contemporaries. 

WHICH ISN'T TRUE!

If you're reading this and thinking, 'wow, yeah, sometimes I say sorry when I haven't actually done anything wrong' then congratulations, the first step is acknowledging it. The second step is realising that you've been made to feel this way because society tells you that as women we should be apologetic for the space we occupy and the thoughts we hold. And the third step is down to you, baby. Start telling yourself how much of a BOSS you are and how deserving you are.

Need some help in doing this? How about instead of saying "Sorry I'm late" - say "Thanks for waiting." Instead of "Sorry, but I think..." - say "In my opinion..." Changing your vocabularly helps you change the message. Using the word 'sorry' places the blame on yourself often in situations where you shouldn't be blamed for anything! Ridding yourself of this word from your vocabulary rids yourself of any self doubt or lack of confidence. 

When you step foot in a conversation you should be thinking, 'the people hearing me are really lucky to be hearing me right now'. I'm not saying let this transfer into cockiness or arrogance. But you should be confident in what you're saying! Believe in your sauce! Use your voice! You've been chosen to speak for a reason. Whether it's in an interview, or a conversation with your friends, or a debate with someone on the opposing side - you belong there. Your voice matters, and you shouldn't feel the need to dilute and make yourself more palatable for the people around you.

Say it with your chest!

Be loud and proud!