What Netflix's Too Hot to Handle Teaches us about Sex

What Netflix’s Too Hot to Handle Teaches us about Sex

First of all, that no one has any self restraint. The first rule was broken within three hours.

But on a larger scale it teaches us so much more. Netflix’s hit new TV show is the love child of Love is Blind and Love Island, but on steroids. The contestants - all of whom are models taken straight from your Instagram feed - are thrust into a villa and told that in order to develop deeper connections amongst each other they are forbidden from engaging in any sexual activity. The consequence of such would see money deducted from the prize pot- beginning at £100,000 - and slowly reducing with every kiss. If you think it sounds easy then you’d be surprised. There’s nothing that attractive adults won’t do once they’re supplied with alcohol and various challenges designed to test their will.

A lot of people have rolled their eyes at the premise of the TV show. They think it’s just an excuse for a bunch of nymphomaniacs to get together on a sunny beach and go wild. But I think that it represents something more than that. The openness of the contestants, the conversations surrounding self worth and sex, and the simplicity of the premise shows that people are becoming more open about sex. As they should be. As one contestant said: people like sex, and they shouldn’t be ashamed of it.

Classic British etiquette dictates that any conversations regarding sex or intimacy are utterly taboo and crass. As a teenager we’re often brought up being taught that we’re not supposed to talk about these things, often leading to a repression of our own sexuality. Granted, this has changed thanks to the new generation of sexual positivity. Bloggers and influencers and the like are becoming more upfront about these things and in turn showing the younger generation that it’s okay to own your sexuality. And Too Hot to Handle seems like the latest step in this direction.

That’s not to say that the show doesn’t have its problems. In typical reality-TV-fashion the show is lacking in diversity with the vast majority of contestants being white, let alone the lack of plus-size contestants, both male and female. What’s more- some may have a problem with the placing of a monetary value on sex. Sex means different things to different people, and placing a specific monetary value on a sexual act ($3,000 for a kiss, for example) can be problematic. It does somewhat feed into the harmful notion that sex equates with personal value, particularly when it comes to women, who are often taught not to ‘give up’ their sexuality as it will diminish their worth. 

But if we are to consider the positive step this show represents, one can accept the flaws. Having contestants confront their sexual past, discuss the dirty deeds they do in secret, and even perform some right on camera, is praiseworthy. At one point in the show the female contestants are even invited to undergo ‘yoni puja’- the process of worshipping one's female genitalia. The female contestants examine their own vaginas, cast aside all negative stigma surrounding female genitalia, and even paint their own interpretations of their ‘yoni’. No, it’s not porn. If a couple wants to talk kinks or even act out their favourite positions in bed, we should let them. If a woman wants to paint her vagina or describe it to her friends, she can. It shows the audience that sex doesn’t need to be such a huge taboo steeped in shame and embarrassment. It’s about time that we take charge of our own sexuality and make it a more open, empowering, and acceptable topic.

Be kind, and be positive.

Daisy x